Conviction
by mhopeg
Summary: A couple of companion one-shots that I found on my hard drive recently. Polished up and published for your enjoyment. Harm and Mac.
1. Conviction

"Conviction"

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Through early Season 9, particularly "A Tangled Webb" part 2

Keywords: Harm/Mac; hints of romance; Mac POV

In that moment, I wanted him. Completely.

Not just for sex. With Harm it would never just be sex. I wanted all of him. Body, soul, whatever he was willing to offer. And all I had to offer was my heart.

I don't know what it is about him that I've been drawn to all these years.

Well, I know what I've been PHYSICALLY drawn to. But emotionally...I'm not so sure. He never lets anyone get too close. I've probably been closer than anyone else in the last few years, but there are so many things that he would never allow me, or anyone, to know about him.

Still I love him, like I've never loved anyone else in my life.

If I were to be perfectly honest, I've loved him from the beginning. He put everything on the line to protect my uncle, who he didn't know, had never met. For all his faults, his stubborn arrogance, I know that he's the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I'm just so tired of waiting. And lying in that hotel bed, so close to him, I really thought that maybe the waiting could be over.

Talking to Maria Elena at the club actually made me think. Harm is a very good man. I know that he has always wanted me to be happy, even at the expense of what he wanted for his own life.

Maybe it's for the best that we were interrupted...that we're always interrupted. I know that if the planets were ever to align and Harm and I made it work, even for one night, there could never be anyone else for me.

I know that because I've tried to make other relationships work, with Dalton and with Mic. I even planned to marry Mic. But it was never right. If Harm hadn't crashed in the Atlantic that night, I would have probably found an excuse not to go through with the marriage. It would have hurt. It would have hurt Mic, but I wouldn't have been able to marry him, Not when I couldn't give myself to him completely.

In my head I know that what I told him the last night in Paraguay is true. We're too competitive with each other, and always have been. A relationship would never really work.

I just wish I could convince my heart.

_End_


	2. Starting Over

"Starting Over"

Rating: PG

Spoilers: "Shifting Sands"; vague for prior episodes.

Keywords: Harm/Mac; not really romantic; Harm POV

Disclaimer: blah blah blah, not making a dime.

AN: Not really a sequel, but a companion to "Conviction."

I never really thought I'd have to change careers again.

I guess, in some corner of my mind, I knew that at some point I would have to leave the Navy, but I always thought I would retire, go into private legal practice. Or maybe move to Pennsylvania and help my Grandmother with the farm.

After the disaster of 4 years ago, I never thought I'd go back to flying full-time.

I didn't really think I'd have to make these decisions without my best friend by my side, without her in my life.

She buttered his toast, for crying out loud! It looked so...domestic.

I gave up everything I'd ever dreamed of to find her, and I still couldn't follow through. I couldn't say the words. I was a coward.

I've had a recurring dream the last couple of weeks. I somehow meet a genie. A woman genie. Very sarcastic. I only had one wish: to go back to that night in Paraguay; to take back all of the snide, childish comments.

One thing I said was true. I'd forgotten how beautiful she is.

It doesn't seem all that long ago that we were close to...to something. Before Singer was found and I was on trial for murder. We never got a chance to get our footing back after that. I was cleared and released, and just a few days later she left the country.

She said it would never work, but I'm not so sure.

I always used the UCMJ as an excuse with her. I could hide my feelings under my devotion to my career.

Mac would never deny that being a Naval Officer was my life. She couldn't know how many years she had come first for me.

She couldn't know because I couldn't tell her.

Maybe I can now. I drive to Falls Church once a week just wanting to talk to her. I drive through Georgetown, managing to get 2 blocks from her building before I turn around.

I know what I want to say.

I just need to find the words.

_End._


End file.
